The Great Indian Litterbug’s Pledge and Prayer: Part Two
India is my country, and when I say ‘my’, I mean that I have every right to make it dirty. All Indians are my brothers and sisters, and as siblings, they have no choice but to be prepared to bear with and indulge my littering and filth. I love my country, and as an expression of my love, I will shower it with as much waste as I can possibly accumulate. I am proud of its rich and varied heritage, so much so, that my pride flows out of my body in the form of bodily fluids against trees and in the roadsides. I represent my country, and I will make sure that I uphold its dirty face.
To my country and my people, I pledge my devotion towards beautifying it with my garbage spilling out of its bag, my dog’s precious waste and my baby’s used diapers. Throwing garbage off my balcony, catapulting banana peels off my speeding car, sweeping out dead leaves from my garden onto the roads, and using the country as one giant waste bin, alone lies my happiness.
Thee, suddenly transform me into a sensitive person when I set foot in a foreign land. Help me find my way to garbage bins, bless me with the skill to segregate my waste, and make my aim at waste bins as sharp as Arjun’s. And when I come back from Umricca, or the Londawn, with a fake accent, to my bad old India, shower enough shamelessness on me to help me scrunch up my nose, frown at the filth I left behind, and utter the golden words: “How daarty this India is”.
So, O Lord, before I start littering and dirtying the country once again for this day, I humbly ask Thee to blunt my aim at waste bins, vanish my civic sense, to never help me remember that there is a waste bin in my house, make me weak enough to dropping my panipuri bowl into the bin one foot away from me seem like too much work, and guide me to the relatively unspoiled parts of the country (so that I can dirty them too) all through the day’s hours. Dear Lord, help me keep my home clean, but never make me weak enough to think of my country as my home. Help me remember that I am not being paid to keep my country clean and the strength to ignore those who ask me to. I pray to Thee, to help me, the Great Indian Litterbug, to begin, to continue, and to end this day in littering only.